The Union Statesman

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Maybe the only reason I really liked ABC’s Miss Guided is that I teach middle school Spanish.  While many reviewers said it was a cliche, fomulaic mid-season replacement, to me, every line was right on the money.

Judy Greer plays a high school guidance counselor–quickly admitting that she, having been a “good kid,” doesn’t know to this day if her school had a guidance counselor, let alone what he would have done.  I, as a teacher, still have a hard time believing every time I see on a TV people confiding in some school counselor.  I just don’t know where my life would have had to be for me to have decided my best advice would come from Mr. Whateverhisnamewas.  Still, those people exist, and my students would daily get so huffed up they’d demand to leave class and visit with “their” counselor.

The school plays the stunted-growth formula–woman goes back to relive her successes and vindicate her failures vicariously by working at a high school.  She of course is now extremely hot, but 15 year olds think she’s a gross and out of touch old lady.  We’ve seen it a thousand times, and while the cognoscenti may think they cognoscen, I think it’s a blast.  Of course it’s not The Office or 3D Rock, but who is?

The second episode–minus the pilot which didn’t count so we call it “episode one”–guest stars executive producer Ashton Kutcher as a hot teacher.  I don’t know about you, but for as much as hollywood loves to tell us that 16 year old girls love Sean Connery, when I was 21 my 18 year old students thought I was an old man, so I do lose a certain suspension of disbelief when I see a 30 year old being lusted after by 14 year old girls.

I love the Spanish teacher role, highlighting the insecurities of one who learned Spanish in the dysfunctional public school system himself and who only develops his skills speaking to 9th graders.  I laughed aloud when he said, “I’ve gotta go study for this parent conference… the parents are real Mexicans!”  I can’t tell you how often I feel that way.

Oh, and of course no review would be complete without a mention of Jamie-Lynn Spears, the pregnant-at-16 actress.  Hopefully she’ll play a squeaky clean role in an attempt to save her career, and that squeaky cleanliness will keep the audiences coming.  You heard it here first, but Jamie Lynn’s role will be the shark jumping to watch–the minute her character starts rebelling, the show will be cancelled.

But praise to all you counselors, whoever you are, whatever you do.

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